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February 20, 2004
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Category: Sports
It is not often that I do the following, but I am officially declaring the dictionary wrong. “What’s the word?” you ask.
The other night, while watching the Westminster Dog Show, the announcer referred to 'this wonderful sport.' I finally reached my limit. Let's get this straight right now; dog breeding is not now nor will it ever be a sport. Somewhere along the line we, as a society, let the word sport deteriorate to the point where a poofed Pekinese waddling around an old lady with a blue dress and even bluer hair is called a sport.
Hoping to set the record straight and perhaps even reclaim the spirit behind the word, I will now lay out a series of questions designed to help you determine if you are, in fact, engaging in a sport. Fear not, though. If you fail the tests, I will help you pick the appropriate noun for your activity of choice.
Any activity that relies solely on judges (as opposed to referees) to determine the outcome cannot be considered a sport. Sorry ice skaters; you're out. "What about boxing?" you ask. Ahhh, I admit that's a tricky one. The key is the word solely. There is a way to win a boxing match without employing the judges. Ice skating, gymnastics, rhythmic dancing, etc. all lack this key difference.
"Hi, I'm Suzy. It's nice to meet you." Warning. Warning. I heard the danger word, meet. Let's face it -- if you're going to a meet, you’re not playing a sport. It's all in the word. If you look at the word match, on the other hand, you picture two people/teams matching up against each other. Sorry swimmers; you're out. Swimmers, sprinters, etc., while I admire you and your ability, you're not playing a sport.
If your activity doesn't involve points, you're not playing a sport. Oh yeah, time is not points. "What?" I don't want to hear that one's time in the activity is actually a score. It isn't. You might run one heck of a marathon, but that doesn't make it a sport. Ironmen are gods to me, but I still won't call what they're doing a sport. This seems like a good point to mention that I don't place sports above all these other activities. In a million years, I could never finish a marathon. It has nothing to do with the relative importance of sports vs. these other activities. It is merely reclaiming a word.
This should send up a red flag. If the presence of other person isn't needed to play, this should tip you off. Let's take golf, for instance. It's a fun game and, unlike the other examples so far, it’s actually a game. However, at its most basic level it’s a bunch of people playing alone. At the end of the day they all get together and see who did the best. Sports should be played against others. There should be an offense and a defense. Your success should come at the expense of others.
I'm not saying that it doesn't take skill to drive a car very fast. Likewise, a thoroughbred is a powerful beast. However, the car and the horse are doing most of the work. Holding on and whipping don’t make it a sport. (if they did….)
I'm not asking if the "competitive" players drink. I'm asking if your "sport" is often associated with drinking. This is meant to address the rapidly growing sport of high stakes poker. If your sole limitation is whether or not your beer belly prevents you from reaching the table, you ain't playing a sport.
"I run marathons. I feel like I'm playing a sport, but you're telling me I'm not. What am I doing then?"
That's a very good question.
Say this with me, "I'm participating in an athletic event." I have no problem calling you an athlete. Ironmen do things with their bodies that are amazing. There is no doubt that they are athletes. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You just don't play a sport. This is true of most of the examples listed above.
As for the following -- you're no where near the word sport. Likewise, you're not an athlete. Have some self respect. Repeat after me, "Just because you see me on ESPN doesn't make me a sportsman."
Like always I welcome your opinions.
Would you qualify curling as a sport? It doesn't rely on judges, you play "matches", score points, play with teamates, you and your teamates do the work, and I don't think much drinking goes on during an Olympic curling match. It meets all of your criteria...but it's severely lacking in the athletic area. Though I can't speak personally about that having never played...and no offense to any curlers out there either. (Is "curlers" the right word???)
Posted by: The Other Steve Speicher at February 20, 2004 01:42 PM
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Hmmmm. Might I suggest another rule:
Do Canadians push the sport?
;)
I also think that the threat of breaking a sweat needs to be present.
Posted by: steve at February 20, 2004 02:01 PM( ? )
Bravo! I often laugh out loud reading your posts, but I don't often read them out loud to my husband. I did tonight.
You bring a lot of joy, even if we don't tell you often.
Keep up the good work.
B.
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I think the
American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language would back you up on this, despite what definition 3 says (it is, after all, definition 3).
I agree with you and have been arguing about this word with various friends for years. If one can participate in a so-called "sport" on a regular basis and still maintain a beer belly, it's not a sport.
Posted by: Jen at February 23, 2004 07:54 AM( ? )
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