July 31, 2004

THE QUESTION!
Category: Misc.

When you woke up this morning I bet you had no idea that this would be a pivotal day in your life, but it will be. You will look back at this day and ask, “How did I live before I knew THE QUESTION?” So simple and elegant is THE QUESTION that you will live in awe of its power. If you are a salesperson you will be tempted to send me commissions. There is no need to do so; I live to help others. My only fear is that THE QUESTION will get into the wrong hands. If you are a confidence man or a gold-digger please stop reading now. There would be no stopping you.

Researchers have put together countless surveys to ascertain the information you will gather by asking THE QUESTION. In just a few short seconds you will know if the person with whom you are talking is rich and upper class.

All by asking:

“Do you eat olives?”

That’s right! It’s that simple. Through my keen observation I have distilled thousands of grocery-store surveys and put the results into laymen’s terms.

Why else would every grocery store hoping to class up the joint install an olive bar? Many people don’t know this about the rich, but they live strictly on olives. Oh sure… they eat caviar and steak, but the nutrition comes from the amino acids found exclusively in olives. I read somewhere that the green in olives also increases their money-making abilities.

A little known fact: the great depression was actually caused by an infestation of olive-locusts.

Sadly, if you’re not rich you probably can’t take more than a couple olives without an uncontrollable gagging. Furthermore, alcohol dilutes olive’s efficacy. Alas, that martini won’t help your cause. With all that said, if you are curious if someone is rich and you want to subtly determine his or her wealth, feel free to ask, “Do you eat olives?”

(If you thought that this post was interesting, why not read another? Perhaps a random link? Or you could just read about me.)

Posted by Stephen Speicher at July 31, 2004 12:58 PM



Comments

I was just looking up "Love my carpet." I thought it was "Love, love my carpet. " I thought it might be no longer extant. I did this cause I told a group I wanted to be re-incarnated as it. So, noone will pry know what that was. Devilution. I just wanted to say you have a whimsical nature and seem to answer the questions you pose for yourself. I often like to chat for no special reason so I hope this doesn't irk you any. As for attacking in arguement; I remember logic is far from moral questions.

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