A musing or too much?

August 23, 2004

Zen and the Art ....
Category: Misc.

I wish that I could use a Q-tip every morning. Alas, my rate of earwax accumulation is just too slow. Today for your reading pleasure I present a few passages from my upcoming book: Art and the Zen of Earwax, Lint, and the other joys of the tragically Obsessive Compulsive. Enjoy!

Picking the right time to use a Q-Tip is, like most body-maintenance work, more of an art than a science. Oh sure – you could get on a schedule. You could swab every 3 days, but I say, “Resist the urge!” There is so much pleasure to be had from those tiny balls of cotton, and, if you play your cards right, you will never have to experience the disappointment of dragging a fresh swab through a wax-less, unlubricated ear.

And...

The question I’m most often asked is: “How will I know when to swab?” It’s a tricky question. Every person is different. Some people can swab in the morning and literally be dripping wax from their ears by nightfall. Others will need to wait weeks if not months for the Zen-like experience of pulling out just the right amount of the slightly orange goodness. The important part is to know your body. I suggest using a calendar to your advantage. Be diligent and record everything. However, if you *must* skimp on the details, the following pieces of information are crucial.

- Time since last swabbing
- Weight of removed wax (see Chapter 4: Measurements)
- Color of wax (see Chapter 5: CMYK -- It’s not just for Graphic Design)
- Slipperiness

I of course always wear a recording device around my neck. At night I enter the cumulative db level for my day. This has proved to be an invaluable tool.

The book is instructional, but, more than that, it teaches you to find happiness in the little things.

(If you thought that this post was interesting, why not read another? Perhaps a random link? Or you could just read about me.)

Posted by Stephen Speicher at August 23, 2004 03:19 PM

Comments

Can i pre-order? Do you need someone to write the forward?
Im slightly embarrased to say that i identify a little to much with this [and the dryer lint.]

Sample paragraph for the forward:
Have you ever had the intense satisfaction of retrieving a flake of earwax? The conditions have to be just right, lots of patience is required to accumulate enough earwax, and precise removal techniques are required. It was my initial discovery of the earwax flake which has brought about my fascination with earwax, a fascination shared by the author. Whether you are skeptical about, experienced with, or new to the art of earwax Zen, this book has something for you.

Posted by: Erin at August 23, 2004 04:27 PM

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I am reminded of this: http://pennandteller.com/sincity/penn-n-teller/excite/pennsear.html

Posted by: KC Lemson at August 23, 2004 08:54 PM

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I *was* going to have former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger write it, but to heck with that. You're in! Heh heh ... he said urine... (groan).

@KC -- I know. I know. It's bad, but so Snake Venom and you don't see me giving up my childhood religion of the Snake Handlers.

Posted by: steve at August 24, 2004 09:26 AM

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Q-Tipping makes me cough. every morning, like clockwork. or maybe alarm-clockwork.

Posted by: em at September 1, 2004 10:52 AM

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Em, I don't know about you but the combination of a violent head shake and a little stick in my ear don't seem good. I might suggest that Q-Tipping might not be a good idea for you. ;)

Posted by: steve at September 1, 2004 11:30 AM

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tip it or tip ex?

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