Free Sodas
Category: Society

Everyone has been tempted. Perhaps some have even given in to the dark side. Oh, your intentions might have been pure when the process began. However, somewhere in those eight short steps between the cash register and the soda fountain you lost your mind. “I thought that I wanted water, but now Sprite sounds oddly refreshing... It would be such a bother to go back and pay. Oh well… They’ll never know.” And thus a criminal is born.

OK -- I admit it: I’ve done it too. I’ve arrived at the fountain only to realize that the water flowed from the same source as did the Raspberry Iced Tea (I’m allergic to raspberries). Oh sure, I could have returned to the register and bought a soda, but ‘it’s their fault’ I shouldn’t be forced to do that.

As such, I’m willing to overlook a slight gaff here and there. We’re all human. With that said, I watch a woman blatantly flaunt the good will of the world. She went too far.

There are rules dammit! Obviously the first is DON’T STEAL. However, it’s clear that she was willing to break that one. As such, we need to move to the subset of rules located in “Chapter 3. If you must steal…”

OK – so you’ve decided to take a dive into the wonderful world of crime. That’s great, but let’s not forget that even criminals follow a code. Below are the four basic rules for stealing soda with the “water” cup:

- Nothing comes for free – In the case of stolen soda, you lose some choices. Unlike your paying brethren, you will need to limit yourself to one of the following tasty beverages: SPRITE, 7-Up, Slice, or, possibly a watery lemonade product.

- If you’re at one of your swankier fast food joints, the type where they give you a number and an empty cup and then bring the food to your table, you’re going to need to resist the urge to quench your thirst immediately. You’re not allowed to fill your cup until your food has been delivered. Let’s not give that server a chance to see the bubbles.

- NO REFILLS! That’s right. There is stealing because “they don’t offer the product I desire” and there is just flat-out stealing. If your drinking needs will exceed that of the “water” cup, just buy the damn small.

- No one between the ages of 40 and 65 should be stealing. You’re old enough to know better and young enough to not be living on SSI.

As I sat there I was amazed to see this middle-aged woman clad in her cheap Costco tennis bracelet and oversized sunglasses breaking each and every one of the rules. “Do you need anything else while I’m up?” She asked her husband before she strolled over to the fountain machine and refilled her Diet Coke. Oh the nerve…..

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