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November 10, 2005
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Category: You Don't Know Jack
Once a year Jack would suffer the same fate. Being relatively unobservant, Jack would fail to notice that the glory days of Spring were coming to an end. The days were growing longer and people’s fuses were growing shorter. The love that so filled the air in the height of Spring was slowly being replaced by the state smell of urine. Ah – to be in New York in the Summer time… All of this was lost to Jack. That was, of course, until Jack lived through his annual ritual of the corduroy pants.
A man of average build Jack leaned slightly towards the stout side. He wasn’t fat, but he certainly hadn’t skipped meals either. On 364 days of the year his slightly heavy legs posed no issue whatsoever. Day 365 was another matter. The favorite corduroy pants that clad his thighs every Thursday throughout the Fall, Winter, and Spring would cease to be a comfort and, instead, become a fabric tinderbox. Jack would look to the sign on the local bank. 82 degrees it read. However, with every step the swish of his pants told a different story. 83, 84, 85, 86. He was all but certain that soon his crotch would burst into a huge ball of flames. 87. He cursed his pants. He also cursed himself. He knew that this happened the previous year and the year before that and that…..
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