I find the NexTel commercials really misleading. They are pushing this darn "walky-talky" feature like it solves a problem.

Let's forget whether or not I *want* to be bothered for a second and we'll focus on the feature itself.

The commercial shows people who are unable to reach their intended target with brand x (i.e. Verizon, Cingular, etc.). Bad things happen to them. With the walky-talky feature, calls always get through. Good things happen.

This is a crock. The bottom line is that if you can't get through with brand x, 99% of the time this means one of two things. a) There isn't coverage there or b) the damn thing is turned off. NexTel solves NEITHER of these problems.

"No more busy." Ha. I don't know a phone plan that doesn't have call waiting. So, bottom line -- If you have coverage and your phone is on, you are going to get the call with either service.

Meanwhile, I have to hear your cousin Vinny announce that aunt Rosa is at it again. You are adding to the annoying noise of the world.

As I previously mentioned, I left for the airport expecting a thorough screening. What I didn't expect was the 1 hour plus line to get to that point. I don't remember reading that the Pope was coming to town. I don't remember Sea-Tac announcing 6 new runways. Unless I've somehow slept to November, we aren't all about to eat Turkey. What the heck is going on? The line was out the terminal, down the escalator, and into the garage. This is ridiculous, As I sit here on the plane do I feel safer? NO.

On a related note, I am pleased to announced the coming of my first child, Wanda. Half human - half security wand she was the unexpected product of an overzealous screening.

As I get ready to head to the airport, I am 100% sure that I will be asked to do the following:

Walk around barefoot
Have my underwear (along with all my other stuff) rifled through
Get WAY too intimate with a wand
My laptop will be swabbed and checked for C4.
I will be asked to show the bottom of my feet.
Belts will be removed.
Basically, I will be turned into some guy's prison bitch.

Why will *I* be asked to do all these things? What makes me more of a criminal than others?

I needed to keep my schedule flexible. So I committed the ultimate travel crime; I bought a one-way ticket.

Does the FAA think that this is a secret? If people were trying to blow up a plane, don't you think they would be willing to pony up the extra dough for a round-trip ticket? It's not like they are going to need the money. As I hear it, all the peeled grapes and virgins are free.

To make matters worse, this is done at the security checkpoint. It's not done at the gate. So a pair of actual terrorists could just make a switch at the Starbucks stand right outside the gate while drinking their capitalist-bastard decaf mochaccinos.

The whole thing is pointless and maddening. It's all one big show, and it just irks me.

It seems that all is quiet out there. "Entertain me dammit!," I wanted to scream as I bemoaned the lack of entries being written by bloggers out there.

Then I remembered something that Gabe said. He gently (well -- as gently as Gabe ever seems to do something) reminded us that the audience is really secondary.

We who write do it for ourselves. For some it is a way of honing their craft. For others it is mechanism used to vent. Of course there is a certain amount of ego attached, but mostly that is just a nice plus.

If I didn't periodically check the logs, there would be nothing to indicate that people read these musings, but I still write.

--- Shakespearean aside ---

--- end Shakespearean aside ---

Yes, I do have my share of "The Blogging Police." You know what I'm talking about; "Why haven't you written. Where are the musings? etc. etc." However, that rarely spurs me into action. I write when I feel like it. Why should I expect anything different from others?

I don't really know where I am going with this one. As such, I should probably just end this entry.

-Fin-

Speaking of logs... I would like to give a "Shout out" to my peeps at Safeco. As a group you have made it onto the list of companies that should be working but instead are spending your time reading my site. Thank you. I appreciate your patronage.

If there was ever any doubt as to what people were using the Internet for, I would like to share with you the 'Top 10 Search Phrases' as reported by my web analysis program.

These, for people who aren't familiar with the term, are the search phrases people entered into sites like Google. Stated differently, these are the Google searches that brought people to my site:

1 jlo's ass
2 jlo ass
3 j-lo's ass
4 jlo's fat ass
5 see jlo's ass
6 jlo fat ass
7 j-lo ass
8 cnet sucks
9 j.lo's fat ass
10 j-lo's fat ass

Edit: I would like to make it clear that I have never actually posted any pictures of JLo or her posterior. Furthermore, the one reference that I did make to J Lo was very mild and shouldn't qualify my site as the premier place for info on J-Lo.

A quick tip for all you door-to-door salespeople out there.

If you come to our house, the quickest way to ensure that you will get no loving here is to ask my wife, "Is your mother or father home?"

Finally, they are listening to me.

I suppose that I should start to face the fact that I am getting old. More of my body parts crack than don't. I have uttered, "Kids today....," and I have shuddered when reminded that there are college graduates whose births occurred in the 80s.

Perhaps this is why "Kids today" aren't bothered by the defiling of the HULK. I'm all for CG in movies, but this is the Hulk. I know. I know. It did start as a comic, but it was Lou that made the Hulk the lovable beast whom I remember.

We didn't need all these computers to make it work, and I'm not convinced that the computers made it better. The previews look awful. The Hulk looks out of place and wrong.

I am sure that I will still pony up my $3.25* and see it, but I don't have to like it!

Edit: Apparently movie prices have gone up too. (someone has to pay for all these "special" effects) ;)

Looks like somewhere along the way Sharpreader got good.

I tried a few of the previous versions and found them to be a bit unstable, but this one seems to work. YAY! It, of course, still has a few minor quirks, but it's highly usable.

This should bring productivity to a standstill.

(Thanks to Dave B)

Well this gives a whole new meaning to the term, "It burns when I pee."

Edit: Important note: please see this entry!

(Thanks to Darren A)

I've never taken a class on it. However, I'm pretty sure that I am doing it right. It's really not that hard; you stick it in the hole, and, if you press all the right buttons, liquid squirts out. When you're done, you carefully extricate the shaft. You do your darndest not to spill the remaining drips all over the place. Voila. You're done.

Like I said -- I've done this thousands of times. I'm pretty good at it (at least that's what I've been told). Yet, Oregon won't let me pump my own gas. I wish somebody could tell me why it's unsafe to pump gas in Oregon while the rest of the world seems to manage just fine.

I suppose that I wouldn't mind it if I lived there. However, to me, Oregon is just a state that one drives through. As such, whenever I find myself at a gas station I need to use the restroom. Ergo, this "safety feature/convenience" does nothing for me.

It's good to know that in these tough economic times the government is there to help us out. Well, maybe not.

I wish that I could say that I was shocked when I heard what Bethesda, Md was doing to help "keep us safe." Alas, I wasn't. It's just another example of bad government.

My poor little finger is starting to feel better. As such, I am going to try and do a better job writing more often.

As I drove through the cities of Portland and Sacramento, I couldn't help but notice the ads for this new brand of sportsdrink, beer. Michelob has just launched Ultra -- the low-carb beer.

And, if you were to believe their billboards, it appears to be something akin to Gatorade. The billboards depict healthy fit people working out and playing sports. The ads then superimpose ULTRA beer over that scene. It's very Gatorade-esq.

There is one minor exception; it's BEER and shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence as Gatorade. While the theory behind Gatorade is that is hydrates you, beer DEhydrates you. After all, that's much of what a hangover is. Perhaps, Michelob is touting the positive effects beer has on your ability to lift heavy weights and put your body in strenuous positions. What are they thinking?

I can't wait for Michelob to get sued because someone drank a six pack as preparation for their bench press.

The whole ad campaign just irks me!

I think that I should be up and running again. If you are having problems, please let me know.

I find it amazing that there is only one decent mp3 player out there (and even it sucks for running)!

My wife just bought an MP3 player. It took 2 hours to break. Arrgggggg.

Notice the "Freezing Player?" On one hand, I have to give them kudos; they aren't ignoring the problem. On the other hand, you know that you might have a problem when your website has a logo that both declares a problem AND sounds like "Got Milk?"

The server will be moving over the next few days. This might (will) cause an outage.

As sad as it is, my favorite consumer electronics device (EVER), TiVo, might just be the reason that Reality TV will never go away.

Anyone who has ever tried to live through a whole day without learning that Rubin won or that Richard was the "Ultimate Survivor", knows the pain of avoiding news. It is hard enough to deal with the 3 hour time change.

What does this mean? It means that people end up watching Reality TV live. That is not to say that *everyone* does this. However, studies are bearing this out. When forced with a choice, people TiVo the drama and watch the RealityTV show. In turn, people watch the commercials for the Reality TV show. Ergo, they aren't going away.

It's not that I mind RealityTV shows. They just need to know their place. I view Reality TV shows as a great substitute for scripted reruns. If the networks started forgoing decent shows (e.g. the West Wing) because Reality Shows like American Idol were kicking their asses, I would be REALLY sad.

Entries may be a little light while my finger is busted. :(