I made a few changed to the site. The most notable is the use of collapsible sidebars.

By clicking on the title of the sidebar you can expand or collapse it. These preferences should be saved per browser. If you experience any problems with this, let me know.

Newscasters really need to learn that there is a difference between less and fewer. On several occasions I have heard reporters say the phrase:

"There are less victims than originally reported."

Did the victims go on a diet? Did the victims turn out to be skinnier than first thought?

I remember being 6 (maybe 7) when the teacher said, "There is less sand. There are fewer grains of sand." Should we send these people back to elementary school?

Oh yeah; I'm gonna scream the next time that I hear, "Join Suzy and I at 6 for the news."

It's that time again. Last night I spent some quality moments communing with this site's weblog (the log of traffic, visitors, referrals, etc.).

For those of you new here, every now and then I like to review the statistics. I like to see if there are any new trends emerging. Is one particular page popular? What were the search terms used to find this site? What companies are wasting their time reading this drivel?

As usual, the posterior of a certain Latina dancer/singer from the Bronx lead the pack in Google search terms. Readership saw some moderate growth. Non-referral hits are growing. All this was expected. Everything looked normal until I spotted it. And it was quite disturbing.

Seeing a sharp growth was the search term:

"It burns when I pee"

People from all over the globe came to my site when they needed relief from urinary pain. I assure you; I have no answers here. Yes, I did write an entry entitled "it burns when I pee." However, it was merely a quasi-clever title that referenced an article in which a young man was shooting beetles out of his penis.

If this was your problem, I was glad to help. However, somehow I doubt that the world has been inflicted with a mutant strain of penis-dwelling beetles. It is far more likely that you have an STD.

It is a little scary that I (well, this site) has become the #1 search result for this term. While I am flattered (You know my motto: When you think Steve, think searing body fluids!), I really think that the honors should go to the CDC.

The CDC has spent a lifetime researching such diseases as Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. No matter what Google says, the CDC is the true hero.

If your e-mail doesn't include a last name, I am going to filter you straight into the trash.

Other ways to find your way into Steve's trash bin:

It is interesting that I should happen to stumble upon this today. This morning my wife and I were talking about kids' names.

(We are neither ready to have nor trying to have kids. However, we do chat about names on occasion.)

I would like to name the girl after my birthplace: Savannah, Georgia. She, on the other hand, fears that the lack of a short name might leave us with the dreaded Vannah. It is a name that we both abhor. My apologies go out to the hoards of Vannahs that read this site.

Savannah Jane Speicher (pronounced Spiker) seems like such a pretty name. (Well, as pretty as you can get with a surname like Speicher). I would really like to use it.

So I pose the following questions:

1) With the right name, is it possible to avoid the short?

2) Can anyone think of a decent (NON-VANNAH) short for Savannah?

3) What if we give her a completely different short for her youth. My mother-in-law's name is Isabelle. Fearing Izzy, her parents gave her the nickname Mickey. It stuck.

This is getting ridiculous. It seems that everyone that sneezed near a TV show wants some credit for it. Don't believe me; check out the snippets at the end of the show. I just watched an episode of That 70s Show. At the end, I heard, "Sit UBU sit. Good Dog." Next came Lottery Hill. Paramount then demanded its props. Finally Dreamworks displayed that little boy in the moon. This is a little much.

Computer programming has apparently ruined my once delicate use of parentheses. I now have no problems using parentheses. Even worse, I don't blink twice about using nested parentheses (you know the kind (the ones like this)).

As a huge advocate of HDTV I am starting to get very frustrated with the current standoff between my local television stations and my local cable operator.

It seems that the stations are unwilling to let the cable operators rebroadcast HD without further charges. Their rationale is twofold a) we just spent large amounts of money upgrading our systems. Why should we give it away for free? And b) HDTV is cable's silver bullet against the satellite companies (They just don't have the bandwidth to provide HD-LIL*s (local in locals)). We're going to make them pay for it.

On the other side, the cable companies are unwilling to pay (in many cases pay more) for content that should be advertisement driven and is public in its very nature. They also feel that the stations were given (for free) the spectrum.
Meanwhile, the consumer sits on the sideline without any access to the content (Over the air signals are often blocked and made unusable by hills, trees, etc).

This is where the FCC needs to step in with the following mandate:

"If the consumer is unable to receive an HDTV channel with standard rabbit ears, satellite companies are legally allowed to sell out of market stations** to that user. Furthermore, any user that signs up for out of market service for a particular channel will continue to be able to purchase that signal for a period of x years."

If both of the parties suddenly have potential competition, we might be able to end this Mexican standoff. If they are just too stupid to stop bickering, who cares? I will get my 'Alias' from DirecTV.

It’s not a new concept. That’s how it is done for regular TV (more or less). It just needs to be applied to HDTV as well.

*LILs are when each market (e.g. Seattle) gets their local ABC, NBC, etc.
** Out of market is when a user gets the ABC, NBC, etc. from a different market. This allows the satellite to carry one ABC, NBC, etc. for all the markets instead of one for each market.

I just watched 'Last Comic Standing.'

--spoiler protected--

What the heck? Dat Phan just isn't funny. Dave Mordal is. The stupid audience got it wrong. They got it very very very wrong. I'm just so angry.

p.s. A note to the nasty trollers that have hit my site. This is NOT a race thing. I found his general act fairly amusing the first time that I saw it.

"With commercial software, the release candidate is the edition sent to manufacturers for distribution. But OpenOffice developers will make a few final tweaks to 1.1 before declaring a final version next month, said Sam Hiser, co-leader of the marketing project for OpenOffice.org" -CNet news.com

It seems like I can't read a single News.com article without it containing at least one error. A release candidate is just that, a "CANDIDATE." It is not for distribution on machines.

This might seem like a small thing, but it speaks to the pro-"open source" bias that CNet has. It slants the article to appear as if "others consider this good enough, but we're going to go even further." This is not the case.

Sometimes I think that CNet uses Jason Blair as their fact checker.

I found this to be an interesting article on the current thinking regarding cancer and its future treatment. My father recently died of cancer and my mother-in-law is in a nasty battle with breast cancer; I'm ready for cancer to be a thing of the past.

In a previous post, I mentioned that CNet was unfairly attacking MSFT for its decision to remain on the sidelines regarding the content at MSNBC.

It seems I wasn't the only one who felt that way. This letter to the editor voices my concerns. The only problem is that I couldn't find it by navigating the actual site.

With coupon in hand I sauntered into my local Quiznos. "Quite a deal," I thought. "I get a drink, chips, and a small sandwich all for $2.49." Little did I know that it would also come with a side of whining and a super-sized portion of attitude.

What happened to raise my ire?

I should start by saying that this was an "Internet Coupon." By that I mean the coupon was intended to be printed and taken into the store. This really has nothing to do with the price of tea in China, but I do believe in reporting all the facts. I should also mention that I used the coupon completely as it should. There wasn't some guy standing in the parking lot handing these things out. I printed the coupon at home, and I dutifully brought it with me.

I'll get back to the story now.

I ordered my sandwich, a tasty little number with turkey, ham, and some hot sauce, and I continued down the line. I watched my sandwich go through the toaster (I love that about Quiznos). Everything was going just fine until I handed my coupon to the cashier (and I assume owner). Did she say, "I'm sorry we don't accept these?" After all, the coupon says, "Valid only at participating stores." She did not. Instead, she chose to place her problems on me. She shot me a dirty look, shook her head, and said, "I hope that you still come back after this is over [you cheap frickin' bastard]."

I was a little taken back. Fearing that I might have misread the tone, I turned to my wife for confirmation. Her jaw was dropped in amazement. It wasn't just me.

"I came to Quiznos nearly every day last summer," my wife said trying to ease the tension.

"Not to this Quiznos," The woman shot back. "We weren't even open. [you little liar]"

You're kidding me. She is picking an argument here.

"I take it that you get a lot of these," I stepped in.

"Yes. Unfortunately. [You and all your cheap bastard friends are going to put me out of business with these damn frickin' things]"

"Thanks for the sandwich [and go screw yourself]," I said as we took our sandwiches and left.

Either take the coupon or don't, but I don't want to hear about your woes; I want my sandwich. Will I continue to eat there? I have a stack of coupons and a Xerox machine. I will until July 31.

Come by and say hi. I'll be the guy in the parking lot with a stack of coupons.

I think that I finally got mail notifications working. This means nothing to you, but it makes me happy. :)

I find Strong Bad to be ridiculously funny. If you haven't checked it out before, I highly recommend it.

This is one of my favorites. So it this.

After reading this, I am reminded just how biased CNet is in their views towards Microsoft. Sometimes they just go out of their way to slam Microsoft.

I have yet to see an article about Real Media's near criminal installer (if you are not REALLY REALLY careful, it will steal your associations and sign you up for e-mails). However, if each company were to release the other's product under their name, we would surely see weeks/months of negative articles.

Now CNet is slamming Microsoft for NOT controlling the content of the media. How absurd is this?

For more than 3 years I (well my name, Stephen Speicher) have been caught in the crossfire of a feud. Another Stephen Speicher (the Cal-Tech Stephen Speicher) apparently picked a fight with someone. That person shot back claiming that Stephen Speicher was a dishonest person.

The result is that my name, Stephen Speicher, has been dragged through the mud. Every time you do a Google search for Stephen Speicher, you are told that Stephen Speicher is a dishonest person. This irritates me.

At this point, you might be thinking, "Stephen, have you heard of pronouns? They are wonderful little things. They stop you from sounding like Bob Dole."

Yes, I (see!) have. However, that would defeat the purpose of this post. If you haven't guessed it by now, this is my blatant attempt to sway the Google gods.

I want to move up the Stephen Speicher food chain.

However, I fear that I will only exacerbate the problem. From now on, a Googlism search will return one word, dishonest. I just can't win!

This is really starting to get on my nerves.

The summer heat has come to Seattle. As such, I often have my windows and back door open. This helps to create a nice cross breeze through the place. The problem is that the people below me to like to sit on their porch and smoke. When this happens, what once felt like a zephyr immediately feels like a carcinogenic jet stream.

It seems somehow unfair that they can sit on their porch with their doors closed while smoke wafts through my place. Oh sure, I could close my door (and I do when I realize it), but often it's too late.

I am seriously considering giving all my neighbors little bells and requiring that they ring the little bell before they so much as think about striking a match. Anyone who knows me realizes that I am just the type of person to do this.

The health club to which I belong offers valet parking. One of these days someone will have to give me a good explanation as to why.

You pay to walk on a treadmill and you pay not to walk outdoors? Does this make sense to you?

At first I was bewildered by the content of my spam. Advertisements for young college sluts, penis enlargements, Viagra pills, mortgages, and inkjet cartridges flooded my mailbox on a daily basis. I didn’t know that I needed these things. However, I thought about it. It turns out I do.

First, who doesn’t want young college sluts? Apparently, out on the Internet, there are tons of them. All you need is an outrageously large penis. The problem is that, once you have this incredibly large penis, you are going to need some extra oomph getting it up. There is just that much more to lift. Well, thank God for Viagra.

Well, you now are large and in-charge. You are beating these young college sluts off with a stick (an incredibly large one at that). But wait, you are going broke. You have just learned that it takes money to have a harem. Where will you get the money? The answer is sitting there in your inbox. You need to mortgage your house.

Flush with cash, you spend your days and nights servicing these women (They’re barely legal but they’re women) until you are just too tired to continue. All that’s left is to write your memoirs. If only you had ink jet cartridges….

I have one site where people who should comment don't.

I have another site (it's just one entry) where people who shouldn't comment do.

I don't exactly know what to do about this. I have been tempted to edit these vulgar entries. However, I find the whole thing just fascinating. I write one entry on J Lo and all of a sudden I get hits up the wazoo.

I should do something about it, but it's like a train wreck that I can't stop watching.

At my current rate I will receive nearly 100,000 pieces of junk mail this year. Actually the number is 82,125, but I expect it to keep going up.

The average size of this mail is 7KB per spam.

(100,000 X 7) / 1024 = 684 megabytes of mail this year.

This needs to stop. These people need to be stopped.

I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it is consistent behavior. Even still -- I was rather shocked when I tuned to my favorite AM radio station only to hear a vet talking about homeopathic medicine for pets. She went on to extol the virtues of dog chiropractic. After a couple of minutes, I tuned to my second favorite station.
The concepts seem a little odd to me, but if you believe that it works for a person, why wouldn't you believe that a dog would benefit from healing properties of acupuncture?