I seem to be irrationally bothered by the fact that there is a scented Febreze. If the purpose of Febreze is to eliminate smells (and not cover them up), how does this stuff work? Seriously, is this one of those "Can God make a boulder so big that even he can't lift it?" things? "Can Febreze make a smell so strong that even Febreze can't remove it?"

No one told me that after buying one's first house you immediately head to 'Home Depot' where you proceed to dump out your wallet, find nearest associate, and have him (or her) properly bitch-slap you with that little piece of leather that used to hold your "fun-time" money.

This should be in the closing documents. At the very least you should be required to take an oath: I, state your name, hereby acknowledge that for the next 12-18 months I will be one of those people who wanders around Home Depot looking for brooms, trowels, paint, wet-vacs, punchdown blocks, etc. Furthermore, I acknowledge that grass needs to be cut and weeds pulled every weekend.

Don't get me wrong -- I love having a home, but it's like having a kid. I need to feed it, change its diapers, cut its hair, and bathe it, and it ALWAYS wants something. At least it lets me sleep through the night.

While I'm ranting....

I'm in the process of changing all my accounts to reflect my new address. This usually leads to the following:

a) Call the company's automated system.
b) Enter my account number.
c) Press 0 to talk to an actual person.
d) Get asked, "May I have your account number please?"
e) Reply, "I just typed it in."
f) "It doesn't show up on my machine."

Can someone PLEASE fix this! It's really frustrating.

I'm starting to get really frustrated with Amazon's bait and switch program.

"Usually ships within 24 hours."
"Usually ships within 2-3 days."

"You keep using that word -- I do not think it means what you think it means."

I have a suggestion; before you actually take my order, tell me that "Usually ships within 24 hours" means 4 days and "Usually ships within 2-3 days" means 1 month. If you can tell me that information just after I place my order, you can tell me just before.

Speaking of bait and switch -- while I applaud Amazon's desire to branch out, it is getting harder and harder to tell if I am actually dealing with Amazon.

On the other hand, I don't seem to be having the 8-different-shipping-charges problem of old.

In the world of guns and gun shows, there are certain types of guns that are prized for their ease of modification. Remove one pin and that handgun becomes a semi-automatic. If you need a fully-automatic weapon, add a piece of gum and a bobby pin. The letter of the law is observed and all the moneyed participants get their way.

Well… I’ve stumbled upon the Eco-friendly equivalent, showerheads. Low-flow my ass! I’ve had camels spit on me with more flow than modern showerheads. Thank god certain manufacturers (like certain gun makers) are hip to this dreadful shortcoming. While my stock Moen was a pain in the neck (the darn thing didn’t convert) I did manage to track down a showerhead from a different manufacturer that was just dying to spit its little restrictor out. I’m now showering like a king. “It’s good to be the King.”

The good news is that I have my cable modem. The bad news is that its speed (compared to my DSL) has revealed a CSS issue with the index page. Text is disappearing and the standard clear:both fix isn't doing the job. Why didn't you people tell me there was an issue! ;)

I just got back from a pleasant conversation with my next-door neighbor. This could be a problem. Either a) he (or his wife) found my website or b) he’s not that bad a guy. Truth be told -- I’m sort of hoping for A. I’d prefer to think that he read the log and thought, “I might be giving the wrong impression.” The alternative would be that I was maligning an innocent man who just didn’t understand that his comments could be considered a bit, uh, questionable.

The take away from the conversation is that he invited me to go wakeboarding with him. (Note to readers: if there is an “accident” during this wakeboarding experience, please contact the local authorities.).

On a related note – I’ve come to believe that I’m a little different from your average bear. Most people would stop writing about all this. I, on the other hand, seem to be drawn to it like a moth to a flame. This is somewhat upsetting to my dear wife. Her role has become to follow me around with plates of cookies. “Have some cookies. We really are nice people.” Luckily she loves to bake. ;)

I'd like to thank the nice people at Archstone apartments for giving me access to the Internet in these though times. I'd thank you by name, but I only know you as the people with the unsecured 802.11a hotspot "802.11a-Sample."

OH NO! I’ve been found. I suppose that if you live in a neighborhood full of Microsoft employees, somebody is bound to do a Google search on your name. That’s just what happened to me. Don’t worry; it’s not Mr. Hatfield. It’s another neighbor. For argument’s sake we’ll call him Dave. The good news is that he’s a really nice guy. He also appears to be a fellow geek. There is something truly fabulous about living in a place where your first conversation with your neighbor includes SIP phones. It’s even better when there are no blank looks.

Still… I was a little taken aback. I didn’t think that they knew our name. I’m guessing that I’m listed in the HOA papers. I’m not going to stress about it though.

I’m still without the Internet. As such, postings will still be light until I figure out my cable modem. When I return I might change the direction of the writings. It’s OK – you will still get your share of rants. I’ve also been asked to write elsewhere (more on that in the weeks to come).

Wish me luck in these rough times. ;)