Today I find myself suffering from the general malaise that comes from having my pick in the Reality-TV Derby be the loser. I suppose they say “If you don’t vote, you don’t get to complain.” Wait… I’m complaining; they must be wrong. So there!

To me it always broke down to the following:

Alonzo: the best writer.
Gary: the best timing/delivery.
John: the most generically likeable.

I’ve decided to conduct a little survey here. There are two questions:

a) For whom would/did you vote?
b) Do you have taste?

I contend that people with taste and the ability to spot funny will choose either Alonzo or Gary. Middle America on the other hand will choose John. Some of you might be tempted to say yes to B. Before you do, take a survey of your life. If all else fails, ask yourself, “Did I choose Alonzo or Gary?” If you didn’t, chances are you’re wrong about the taste thing.

Well… I’ve done my part; I’ve put together a completely-unbiased scientific study. All that remains is to gather the results.

Well. I watched 'The Simple Life' and two thoughts immediately jumped out.

Somewhere a big "Thank God!" was being yelled by Jessica Simpson. Wal-mart -- a place to buy walls? WOW!

The second thought was one of relative embarrassment. Having watched both Paris Hilton's sex life (blame David Letterman*) and her simple life, I can only say that she is embarrassed over the wrong one.

The sex tape showed a natural act between two consenting adults. Its dark, grainy footage was really nothing to be too worried about.

'The Simple Life' on the other hand used the wonderful world of Technicolor to chronicle an abhorrent lack of social skills, work ethics, and basic human kindness. It’s hard to believe how ‘without a compass’ these two girls are. I’m nearly speechless.

I’d feel sorry for them if it were simply a fish out of water situation, but it isn't that. I was disgusted by their filling of the milk jars. I cringed when they slept on their boss’s home couch. Who goes to work, changes into a bikini, and tans by boss’s personal hot tub? Who does this?

The sad part is that if the Hiltons were offered the chance to make one (and only one) of these tapes disappear, they would probably choose the sex tape. It just goes to show you that their view of reality is just as grainy as that infamous footage.

*He mentioned it so much that I just had to go find it. I’m not proud of it, but I did it.

It is a very well established fact that Nick and I rarely see eye to eye on matters of taste. Nick looked God in the eye and said, "I'll tell you what -- I'll trade all my taste away for the 'I don't need sleep' thing." God smiled and politely agreed.

As such, it should come as no shock when Nick is wrong. We are, in fact, talking about a guy that called multiple times to vote for American Idol's Kelly Clarkson. However, even I was shocked at Nick's latest entry. He proclaims this Survivor to be the best ever. WHAT? The tribes have merged and I am yet to give a rat's arse about any of the characters.

The only player that has hit my radar is Jon. He's obnoxious and I would really like to see him gone. But even Jon is flat. He fails to bring to the table the unctuous ‘charm’ that Richard and Rob brought.

Jennifer and her hearty crew of Canadian women seem to get it right. Yes -- that’s right; I’m going on the record with this one. I agree with a Canadian. Is there a treatment program for this? Perhaps I should just laugh a little at Canadian money. There we go – I’m feeling more American already. Canadian money is always good for a laugh.

I just watched last night's episode of "The Bachelor." I have come to one of two conclusions -- either a) I am colder than the average person or b) these girls are sick, sick, sick. Forgetting that they are all convinced that Bob is their soul mate, what's the deal with all the crying? These are not friends that you've had since you were a kid. You just met these people. Why is it sooooo hard to say, "X is best/least suited to Bob's tastes?"

Who gets this worked up over people they've just met. Oh sure, I have formed "close" bonds with people over short periods of time. Of course, I was 12 and it was summer camp.

Oy!

I suppose that it is only fitting that Charla use Dave just one last time. With that said -- Holy Crap, what a bitch. Even Erin split the money (well the second million ;) ). Dave took all the lumps for their "team" and then POW.

To make matters worse, as Charla and Dave were walking away she had the nerve to make Dave reassure her that she was doing the right thing. Oy. Talk about having your cake and eating it too! Man, that sucks.

Wow! Wow! Wow! Paradise Hotel is downright scary. I never really experienced the "High School Clique" thing, but if it is anything like Paradise Hotel, I could start to understand events like Columbine. The only difference is that these people are "adults."

I really am at a loss for words. About a month ago, Mac described Toni as a histrionic bitch, but we have progressed far beyond that. The "popular" crowd at PH seems to be making a training video for the "scared straight" program. They are trying to break the smart clique with a combination of inches-from-your-face yelling, isolation, threats of violence, denigration, and sheer evilness.

I don't know what scares me more: do these people not understand what the rest of world thinks of them? or, does the rest of the world not look at them as pure evil?

The bottom line is that the "popular clique" is jealous of the "smart clique." The only problem is that the PC is too stupid to realize it. As a result civility, decency, and common courtesy have been defenestrated.

It's like a train wreck and I love it!

I am still quite upset that Dat Phan won. I have come to the conclusion that people in American have no taste.

However, this makes it all worth it. Heck, I might just order one.

I never thought that *I* would have to be a voice of reason. ;) Yes -- Rocco comes off really bad. However, it couldn't be edited to be more against him.

First, does anyone actually believe Gideon? I don't. His arm might hurt a bit, but it isn't broken. He's a little weasel. Rocco just sees right through it.

Second, I am sick of the whining of these employees. After two nights of working, they are having a meeting to discuss what *they* think the restaurant should be. They all need to give it a chance to settle down. Do they expect everything to be a well-oiled machine after two nights? It isn't going to be. Their tips will improve. Rocco will have more time to listen to them. He is just REALLY busy. Having started a company from scratch, I feel for the guy. I certainly understand what he means when he says, "My job is to never let them know all that I do."

At this point in the post I am going to drive my Mitsubishi down to the grocery store. I am a little thirsty. I could really use a Coors Light. I sure hope that the grocery store takes Amex. Otherwise I might have to call Stacey and get a bridge loan from the American Express Open Network.

Back to the content.

Someone actually said something like, "What is Rocco's role here?" Are they thinking about voting him off the island? It is a Mark Burnett show. All they see is Rocco glad handing. They don't see him getting up at the crack of dawn. They don't see that he is working while they are drinking. It is part of the reason that he is famous and they are waiters. They probably think that it was luck.

Did that waitress stand up at the meeting and say, "Rocco isn't that bad. I told him that I didn't want to be nice to people all the time, and he didn't fire my a%^ on the spot." Heck know's that I would have.

What has surprised me is the extent to which the food has been portrayed as awful. I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised. Mark isn't known for pulling his punches. When one of the Survivor contestants fell in the fire, Mark said that the cameraman would have been fired if he didn't keep filming. Now that's hardcore!

I suppose that I should typing before I go too far. I'm going to go chill out with a nice cool Coors Light.

I just watched 'Last Comic Standing.'

--spoiler protected--

What the heck? Dat Phan just isn't funny. Dave Mordal is. The stupid audience got it wrong. They got it very very very wrong. I'm just so angry.

p.s. A note to the nasty trollers that have hit my site. This is NOT a race thing. I found his general act fairly amusing the first time that I saw it.

As sad as it is, my favorite consumer electronics device (EVER), TiVo, might just be the reason that Reality TV will never go away.

Anyone who has ever tried to live through a whole day without learning that Rubin won or that Richard was the "Ultimate Survivor", knows the pain of avoiding news. It is hard enough to deal with the 3 hour time change.

What does this mean? It means that people end up watching Reality TV live. That is not to say that *everyone* does this. However, studies are bearing this out. When forced with a choice, people TiVo the drama and watch the RealityTV show. In turn, people watch the commercials for the Reality TV show. Ergo, they aren't going away.

It's not that I mind RealityTV shows. They just need to know their place. I view Reality TV shows as a great substitute for scripted reruns. If the networks started forgoing decent shows (e.g. the West Wing) because Reality Shows like American Idol were kicking their asses, I would be REALLY sad.

Guess who's back. Back again. Steve is back. Tell a friend.

Well it's been a little while, but I am re-entering the world of the written word. A few days of Spring came to the NW. Add that to the season-finale marathon and you get a missing Steve.

My TiVo season passes have been trimmed from 30-something to 10. I am sure that as the summer trash starts the number will increase, but until then we shall have some fun here.

I guess that I should start with a little American Idol.

WOW did Ruben suck last night. Don't get me wrong; I like Ruben, but he forget his "A game" back in the hotel room. All three of his songs sucked. :(. Clay, on the other hand, went 2/3. He delivered two decent performances which bookended a delivery filled with falsettos that were just a little off.

Based on last night's performances Clay should win. However, if you trust Fox (which you shouldn't), it is a REALLY close race. It's anyone's race.

The thing I like about Clay is that he makes songs his own (or at least his and Barry Manilow's). I think that Randy and Paula really hit the nail on the head. Randy commented that he hates the song that they gave him, but Clay did wonders with it. Paula said that Clay can find what really "makes the song" and sing it that way. I tend to agree with both of them.

With all that said, I still want to hear Clay as the voice to a Disney classic like Aladdin.

On a separate note, I ran into someone last night. We started talking about American Idol. He commented that he was rooting for Josh "Just to irritate Nick." Apparently I wasn't the only one!

Well my 'American Idol' prediction didn't pan out. However, I still have hope for my 'Survivor' prediction.

Josh, Ruben, Clay, and Kimberly have performed and we now eagerly await the results. For details and his takes, please see Nick.

For my part, I will offer a prediction and the reasons behind it. Who gets the boot this week? Drum roll please.......

The answer is Kimberly.

Besides being a mediocre singer and possessing no marketability, she is lacking the most important thing needed to win this competition, a group to champion her. This is a problem.

While MANY MANY people hate Josh and don't like the country thing, those people are inconsequential. There is no real way to vote against a person. Oh sure, you could vote for all the other candidates and not him. But that's three different calls. In the time it took you to do that a Josh lover (and there are plenty of them) has voted for him three times. The net result is that you are in the hole.

So what do you do? You choose which of the remaining three candidates you really want to win and vote for him. Let's face it -- it isn't going to be Kimberly.

Clay is going to get a huge number of votes because his voice rocks and he just seems like such a nice person.

Ruben will get the "Holy crap that was close" vote.

Josh will get the anti-"Holy crap that was close" vote (i.e. People know that voting for Ruben will be big this week. As such, they need to get serious about voting for "Josh.")

Kimberly, on the other hand, is uninspiring. Yes -- 90% would say that she is better than Josh. However, those 90% just don't champion her like the 10% champion Josh. Josh doesn't split the 10%. Kimberly losses nearly all her 90% to Clay and Ruben.

The results would be different if this were done like College football rankings where points are awarded for first, second, and third place, but it isn't.

There is my prediction. All that remains is to see if I am right.

With every passing week I love Rob even more. He brings to the table many of the same qualities that Richard brought and he does it while still being funny and (for the most part) likable.

Like him or not, you have to admit that he is one of the best players that we have seen in a long long time. He has also made this season the best so far.

Every week he manages to convince people to trust him. He does this in spite of the fact that the jury is now littered with Rob's "It's you and I till the end" alliances.

Seriously, he was going with Deana till the end. He was going with Alex to the final four. In the previous game Christy named Rob as the person with whom she trusted with her life. You can't tell me that Matt and Butch don't trust Rob. It's brilliant.

He has managed to screw everyone over and never really be on the chopping block. The immunity challenges have been pretty much a non-factor for him. Yes, he won one, but he didn't need to.

Now he finds himself with a really good shot at winning. Play it out. Rob convinces Matt and Butch that the three of them have an alliance. As such, it makes sense to vote the Jenna-Heidi block off next. That leaves three. If Rob wins immunity, he is in the final two. If either of the others win, they have to think, "Who do I want to take with me?" The answer will of course be the guy who "screwed over" the rest of the jury.

Then who knows what happens. At some point, the jury has to say, "He deserves it."

If you want some good blow by blow analysis, I would check out Nick, Erik, and Jennifer. They are good reads all.

Edit --- I am adding a link to Erik's 10 things about Rob post. In a post entitled "All Hail Rob" it seemed appropriate.

It looks like NBC is outfoxing Fox and getting further into the RealityTV game. If you thought that the premise behind "Joe Millionaire" was a little questionable, you probably aren't going to like NBC's summer show "For Love or Money."

Like "Joe Millionaire", "For Love or Money" focuses on the greedy money-grubbing ways of a hoard of women. Unlike Joe, the joke isn't on them; it's on the guy.

The premise:

Step 1: Find a poor shlub who is honestly looking for love.
Step 2: Tell him the show is NBC's version of the Bachelor.
Step 3: Find 25 gorgeous women.
Step 4: Tell the women that they win $1,000,000 if he picks her.

Oh, and BTW, the girls can't tell him they are gold-diggers. At least with Joe the women got what they deserved. Tsk, tsk, tsk. NBC you should be ashamed! Now, when does it start? I need to set my TiVo.

American Idol on FOX

Last night's episode proves that America is stupid! My prediction -- two of the people whom America voted off in round 1 do very well.

FOX Broadcasting Company: Married By America

WOW! This show is bad. I mean really really really bad. I am stunned. I am speechless. I really am.

Camcorders and PC's Shape Aesthetics of 'Reality' TV

To complete the Garbage In --> Garbage Out lifecycle.

American Idol on FOX

I would love for the "twist" to be Judges vs. America. I don't know exactly how it would work. However, I envision something like 2 parallel tracks.

The judges take the wildcard group and America takes the people for whom they have already voted.

Due to the onslaught of mail from Rhode Island I will not be throwing out Rhode Island. We are back to .64 people per state.

American Idol on FOX

I find it absolutely amazing that Fox couldn't find 32 people in America that can sing a song from start to finish and hit ALL the notes.

If you break it down, that is only .64 people per state. Sure, Rhode Island is small. Let's throw it out. That's still .65 people per state.

There was at least one person at my high school that could sing on that show and my high school had 400 students. I am just confused.

I will take this opportunity to point out another web log. As it is fairly clear that I don't go into the nitty gritty details regarding shows, I should point you to a site that does. Nick does a pretty good job -- check it out.

ABC's "The Bachelorette," Wednesdays 9/8c

Well I was wrong. If you had asked me which I would find more entertaining a) a show with one hot woman and 25 male suitors or b) one hot guy and 25 women suitors, I certainly wouldn't have said A. However, I was wrong.

The Bachelorette is just a better show. Here's why --

Perhaps this is because much of my youth was spent despising certain types of guys. You know the types; the ones that actually get the girls. While I grew out of the "not getting the girls" portion, I never did grow out of the deep-seeded hatred of certain types of guys. To name a few:

I found myself rooting for the guys that most represented me. I also found myself hating the same guys that I hated in High School. I sat there thinking "That Russ is such a slime. I know that guy. I went to college with that guy. When is Trista going to clue into it? Why are woman fooled by this stuff?"

Each week I eagerly awaited Russ's departure. It was compelling. As 'Am I Hot' proves, a couple of hot women do not make a show. Emotional investment is what it takes.

MTV.com - Onair - Sorority Life - Season2

Damn MTV and their marathons. I seem to have wasted an entire Sunday watching a bunch of whiny sorority girls.

TIME.com: Why Reality TV Is Good for Us -- Feb. 17, 2003

(thanks to Nick)

Well it's that time of year -- Survivor has started and I bemoan the fact that it sucks. This could be because I have yet to learn their names. It could be because I haven't developed an emotional attachment to them. However, I fear that I never will. With each season the characters get less and less interesting and less and less like people for whom I want to route. When I mention this to a friend and long time Survivor fan, Nick, he just doesn't see it.

What I have come to decide is that there are two types of Survivor watchers (in my world there are ALWAYS two types of anything) -- a) those who route for and b) those who route against. I am of the former. Others are of the latter. The beauty of the first season was that they recruited a cast that allowed for both. Ah the days of the lovable Colleen were wonderful, and who could forget the In Your Face Richard Fat Dance. These were the glory days. We now live in the gory days of despicable whiny people.

ABC's "I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here!".

ABC, I'm a viewer - Get Me Out of Here!

I am going to make a stand here. I am not watching ANY "Washed up celebrity shows." That includes but is not limited to 'Celebrity Mole', 'the Surreal World', or 'I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here.'

These have to stop!

American Idol on FOX

I have been directed to the Save Frenchie website. Much has been said about Frenchie losing her spot on American Idol. However, I submit that there is greater problem.

First, someone thought, "Hey she would make a great lingerie model."
Then someone said, "That makes me hot! I want some of that."

MTV.com - Real World
I think that MTV should show a little social responsibility. Here's how: They pick a cast of smokers and tell them that their job is to not smoke. Anyone caught smoking will be evicted. Talk about the crabby fights! It's really a win-win.

Maybe I will write them and suggest that that be the premise for Real World 17 - Modesto

Speaking of American Idol -- Is it me or is every 6th man in England named Simon?

American Idol

Like it or not -- Simon is nearly always right. Worse than that is the fact that he always errs on the nice side.

As I watched 'Are You Hot?', I couldn't help but think of 'Am I Hot.com'. Are we so hard up for original ideas that we are looking to the Internet?

If this country gets any dumber, we might just get 'FishCam -- The Show'

American Candidate

I don't know whether to be amused or scared. At least the producers had the civic sense not to run the candidate for congress; there they might have won. Yikes!

Joe Millionaire

At the end of the show I couldn't help but think we were witnessing a remake of 'The Wizard of OZ.' I'm serious. You have Zora looking for courage. Sarah needs a heart, and poor little Evan still hasn't found that brain.